#TheSelfLoveLife 💖

Love is in the air—but before you look outward, let’s take a moment to look within. 💡

In this special Valentine’s Week episode of The Authentic Life Podcast, we’re diving into The Self-Love Life—because the most important love story you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.

In this episode, we explore:
✨ How self-love shapes the relationships you attract
✨ Why you need to stop waiting for external validation and start validating yourself
✨ A powerful mirror work practice to shift your self-perception
✨ A self-love challenge to help you build a daily practice of honoring YOU

Plus! Subscribers get early access and an exclusive Self-Love Life Worksheet to reflect, take action, and deepen their self-love journey.

Transcript

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The Self-Love Life

Speaker 1 0:02

Hi , it's your girl , keisha , and welcome to the Authentic Life . Each episode , I'll guide you on the journey to living fully , freely and unapologetically . Together , we'll dive into real stories , practical insights and steps you can take to embrace your truth and show up as your most authentic self . So guess what ? I am glad that you are here with me . Let's get started . Welcome to the Authentic Life , a space where we explore what it really means to live fully , to live freely and , most importantly , to live unapologetically , as your true self . If you're new here , I'm Keisha , I'm your host , I'm your guide and , by the end of this , I might just be your accountability partner on this journey . So , whether you're tuning in from your car , your office , the gym or your favorite cozy corner at home , I'm so glad that you decided to be here with me today . And guess what ? It's Valentine's Day , and while today is often about romantic love , I want to shift the focus to something just as important self-love . Because here's the truth Every relationship in your life , romantic or otherwise , is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself . So today we are going to celebrate love , but not just any kind of love , the kind that starts with you .

Speaker 1 1:24

Now , before we dive in , let's do a quick refresher . If you've been rocking with me , you know the last time we talked about hashtag the one-on-one life . That episode was all about standing in your uniqueness , owning your identity and understanding that you are one-on-one . There is nobody like you , and that is your power . But here's the thing Knowing you're one of one means nothing if you don't love yourself first . You can recognize your uniqueness , your gifts , your power . But if you don't value yourself , if you don't treat yourself with the love and care you deserve , you'll still find yourself seeking validation outside of you . And that's where today's episode comes into play .

Speaker 1 2:07

Today we're diving into hashtag the self-love life , because self-love is more than just a trend or a catchphrase . It's the foundation for everything . The way you love yourself sets the tone for how others love you , how you navigate relationships and how you show up in the world . So before we go any further , I have a question who has been in ? How many of you have been participating in the self-love challenge ? It's a challenge where you prioritize you , even if it's just for five minutes .

Speaker 1 2:40

And if you're in and if you've been in , I want you to say it out loud right now I'm in or I've been in . I want you to say it out loud right now I'm in or I've been in . Yes , I know you might be listening in the car , at work or in the gym , but say it anyway and if you really mean it , send me a DM or tag me in your self-love moment or drop a comment , because self-love isn't just something we talk about . It's something we actually have to practice , and today's episode is all about how do you do just that . So in this episode , we're going to talk about what self-love actually is and we know it's deeper than bubble baths and spa days how to stop waiting for external validation and start validating yourself , that connection between self-love and the relationships we attract , that connection between self-love and the relationships we attract , the ways we unknowingly sabotage our own self-worth and , of course , practical ways to build an unshakable self-love practice . Because if hashtag the one-on-one life was about recognizing your worth , hashtag the self-love life is about honoring that worth every single day . The self-love life is about honoring that worth every single day . So , whether you're single , in a relationship or in that it's complicated phase , this is for you . So thank you for showing up for yourself and for this community . Remember , this wasn't just the launch of the authentic life . It was the launch of something that might just change your life .

Speaker 1 4:04

Now let's get into it . All right . So let's start by breaking down what self-love actually means , because society has fed us this idea that self-love is just face masks , going on vacations and treating yourself to something nice and don't get me wrong , self-care is part of it . But self-love , that thing , runs so much deeper . Self-love is choosing yourself , even when it's hard . Self-love is setting boundaries , even when it makes others uncomfortable . Self-love is speaking to yourself with the same kindness you give to others . Self-love is holding yourself accountable without tearing yourself down . And self-love is knowing that you are already enough , without needing external validation from anybody . And here's the kicker Self-love is a practice .

Speaker 1 5:01

It is not a destination you magically arrive at . A practice . It is not a destination you magically arrive at . It's something you have to choose every single day , in the way you talk to yourself , the decisions you make and the energy you allow into your life . Think about it . How often do we look to other people for the love and validation we should be giving ourselves ? We wait for someone else to tell us we're beautiful before we believe it . We wait for someone else to choose us . Before we feel worthy , we wait for permission to take up space . But here's the truth you don't need permission to love yourself . The only validation you need is your own .

Speaker 1 5:43

Now let me tell you about a time when I had to really check myself when it came to self-love . There was a point in my life where I realized I was pouring so much into everything and everyone else work , relationships , commitments but I was always leaving myself last . I thought I was handling it , but I started noticing how tired I always felt , how I wasn't showing up as my best self in some situations and how I felt resentful when people didn't pour back into me the way I was pouring into them . And you know what ? One day I had a moment where I had to stop and ask myself am I treating myself the way I want others to treat me ? Ask myself am I treating myself the way I want others to treat me ? If I wasn't loving myself the way I deserve , how could I expect anybody else to do that ? That's when I knew I had to make a shift , not just in what I was doing , but in how I was being with myself , and that's when my self-love practice really started . Now let that sink in . If you're waiting for external validation before you even start seeing your own worth , you are always going to be waiting . So let's talk about how to shift that thing Now .

Speaker 1 7:00

Let's be real we are our own worst enemy when it comes to self-love . We say we want to love ourselves , but then we stay in spaces and relationships that make us shrink ourselves . We beat ourselves up for not being perfect . We compare our journey to everybody else's journey . We even ignore our own needs to please other people . We accept the bare minimum because we're afraid of being alone or some other reason . Does that sound familiar ? We've all been there . But self-love is about recognizing these patterns and making the decision to choose differently . So let's break a few of these down . Let's start with staying in spaces that don't honor you . If you constantly have to dim your light to make others comfortable , that's not love . That's self-abandonment . Self-love means choosing to be in environments that nourish you , not deplete you .

Speaker 1 7:58

And let me tell you , I had to learn this one the hard way . There was a time when I found myself shrinking in a situation whether it was a relationship in a workspace or sometimes even in my friendships where I wasn't being valued in the way I should have been . I told myself I was being patient , or that if I just showed up a little different , if I just proved my worth one more time , things would shift . And the thing is I knew better . Things would shift , and the thing is , I knew better . I teach this stuff . But that's the thing about self-love Knowing what you deserve and actually choosing it are two totally different things . So one day I had to sit with myself and ask why am I holding on to this ? And the answer wasn't pretty . You know , sometimes that thing is about fear . May it be , fear of being alone , fear of the change that's going to come with releasing that thing , fear of admitting to yourself that what I was holding on to wasn't even holding on to me , and having to sit in that and acknowledge that thing . And let me tell you , walking away is always hard , but it be so necessary , because when you choose to stay in spaces that don't honor you , you're telling yourself that you don't deserve more , and self-love is about knowing that you do . So . I want you to ask yourself right now is there a space in your life where you're shrinking , where you're staying because it's familiar , even though you know it's not feeding you ? And if so , what would it look like if you choose you instead Now ?

Speaker 1 9:37

The next one I want to talk about is negative self-talk . If the way you talk to yourself in your head were played out loud , would you say those things to your mother , your sister , your best friend ? Probably not . Then why are you saying them to you ? Self-love means speaking life into yourself and giving yourself the same grace and compassion that you give other people . I know I'm not the only one who has picked themselves apart based off of certain situations and things that are going on in your life . You should be further alone . You should have figured this out by now . You should be doing more . Why are you still here ? Why are you dealing with that ? That should voice . It's the enemy of self-love . But let me tell you something I've learned the way you talk to yourself matters . Your words create your reality . So if you wouldn't say it to someone you love , it has no place in how you speak to yourself . I challenge you this week Catch yourself when that negative self-talk starts creeping in . Pause , reframe and start talking to yourself like you would talk to someone that you actually love .

Speaker 1 10:52

Now this last one , lord , accepting the bare minimum If you have to convince someone to see your worth . That's not love , sweetheart . That's a lesson , and it's one that self-love will teach you to stop repeating and listen . I get it . When you care about somebody , whether it's a partner , a friend or even an employer , it's easy to think . If they just see how much I bring to the table , things will change . But self-love is about that . Your worth isn't up for negotiation and you might just be the table . So if you're accepting breadcrumbs when you deserve the whole meal , I need you to ask yourself why ? And , more importantly , what would it look like if I stopped ? Think about the ways you might be sabotaging your own self-love and , more importantly , what would it look like if you just stopped ?

Speaker 1 11:57

Now that we've talked about the ways we sabotage our own self-love , let's take it a step further , because the way we treat ourselves doesn't just impact us . It directly influences . The way we treat ourselves doesn't just impact us . It directly influences the relationships we attract and the energy we allow into our lives . You ever notice how the way you treat yourself can sometimes set the standard for how others treat you . That's not a coincidence . That's probably a reflection . You see , the relationships we attract may they be romantic friendships or even professional often mirror the way we show up for ourselves .

Speaker 1 12:35

If you neglect your own needs , sometimes you are likely to attract people who take advantage of that . If you struggle with self-worth , you might find yourself drawn to people who reinforce those insecurities instead of lifting you up . But when you love yourself fully , you stop settling for relationships that don't honor you . Think about it . Have you ever noticed that when you're in a season of self-doubt , you tend to attract people who validate that doubt rather than challenge you to grow ? Or maybe you've accepted relationships where you do all the giving because deep down you don't fully believe you deserve to receive the same energy in return , to receive the same energy in return . On the flip side , when you're fully in your self-love bag , when you're walking in confidence , setting boundaries , choosing yourself , do you attract people who respect that ? You see , I had to learn this the hard way .

Speaker 1 13:45

As I've said many times , there were times that I have found , and still find myself giving so much to people who do not pour back into me and I really couldn't figure out why do I keep ending up in these same situations ? But I use the same principle that I use with other people . When you keep going through the same thing , dealing with the same thing , you got to figure out what's that common denominator , and a lot of times that common denominator is you , because , see , sometimes we don't prioritize ourselves . We don't even require the same thing from other people that we pour into them . So how can I expect other people to prioritize me or put me first , when I'm not even doing it ? We see your relationships are a mirror .

Self-Love and Validation Awareness

Speaker 1 14:40

If you're constantly feeling drained by the people in your life , take a step back and ask how am I treating myself ? Am I constantly giving to others but never prioritizing my own needs ? Do I let people walk all over my boundaries because I struggle to enforce them ? Am I seeking love and validation from others before I even give it to myself ? The energy you put into yourself sends a message to the world about what you will and won't accept at the end of the day . When you love yourself deeply , you don't entertain connections that diminish you . You recognize when someone's presence is draining rather than nourishing and you move accordingly . Here's the shift when you respect yourself , you stop tolerating disrespect . When you prioritize yourself , you stop chasing people who make you an option . When you love yourself , you stop seeking validation from people who were never meant to give it to you in the first place .

Speaker 1 15:46

Here's a quick exercise I want you to do . I want you to reflect on your relationships for a moment . Grab a journal or just take a mental note and ask yourself which relationships in my life feel nourishing ? Where do I feel valued , seen and supported ? Which relationships feel draining ? Where am I constantly overextending , people-pleasing or compromising my own needs ? What small act of self-love can I commit today that will help me attract the kind of energy I deserve ? You might be surprised at what comes up and listen . This isn't about blame or cutting people off just for the sake of it . This is about awareness , because once you become aware , you can start making choices that align with the love and respect you truly deserve . So I want you to ask yourself what do my relationships say about the way I love myself ? And if the answer makes you pause , good , that means it's time for you to make a change .

Speaker 1 17:10

Okay , so now that we've talked about how self-love impacts the relationships we attract , we need to shift it on back to us , because here's the thing so many of us are out here , waiting for someone else to validate us before we give ourselves permission to feel worthy . But self-love means knowing that you are the only validation you actually really need . So let's get real for a second . How many times have you caught yourself waiting for someone else to tell you you're good enough before you believe it ? What about waiting for someone to recognize your hard work before you feel accomplished ? Waiting for a compliment before you feel beautiful ? Waiting for someone to choose you before you see yourself as worthy ? It's like we're holding our self-worth hostage , waiting for outside approval to set us free . But let me tell you something If you keep looking for validation from people , jobs , relationships , even social media , you will always be chasing it , because external validation is temporary , it fades , it shifts and if that's the only thing holding your confidence together , what happens when it's gone ?

Speaker 1 18:37

One thing I stress to myself and to others when I look in the mirror every day , I don't care if I'm having a good day , a bad day or whatever kind of day . One thing I'm going to say is girl , you pop , you look good , you beautiful , all the things . I am never going to wait on somebody else to tell me that I'm beautiful . I can't wait on somebody else to tell me that I do a good job , that my hard work should be recognized . But you see , we all got to learn this lesson , because there is always a time when we overwork ourselves , we overgive in relationships , we overextend in friendships and a lot of times , deep down , it's because we're waiting for validation . We want someone to see our value and acknowledge it . But you see , the real shift comes when you realize what am I waiting for someone else to recognize what I already know ? But here's the truth no one else's approval will ever be enough if you haven't given it to yourself first . You don't need permission to take up space , you just should do it . You don't need to earn love from nobody because you are love .

Speaker 1 20:06

So how do you start validating yourself instead of waiting for others to do it for you ? First ? You're going to acknowledge your own wins , big and small . You are going to stop waiting for someone else to clap for you If you did something you're proud of , celebrate yourself . You finished that project , give yourself credit . You set a boundary . Acknowledge that growth . Your wins matter even when no one else is watching . Second , speak life into yourself every single day .

Building Self-Love Through Self-Validation

Speaker 1 20:40

Self-validation starts with the way you talk to yourself . Instead of waiting for someone else to say you look good today , do what I do . Get in the mirror and say it yourself . Girl , you pop . Instead of waiting for someone else to tell you , instead of waiting for someone to say I'm proud of you , say I'm proud of me . Words matter and the way you speak to yourself sets the tone for your confidence .

Speaker 1 21:06

Stop looking for likes and approvals to confirm your worth . Listen , we live in a world where social media can trick us into believing that our value is tied to numbers , likes , comments and engagement . But your worth isn't measured by an algorithm . It's measured by how you feel about yourself when that telephone is off . Trust yourself , your voice , your decisions , your intuition . The more you trust your own judgment , the less you need outside approval . Make a decision and stand 10 toes in it . That means stand by it . For people that don't know what that means , trust that you know what's best for you . The more you validate your own thoughts , the less you need somebody else to co-sign it for you .

Speaker 1 21:54

Lastly , look in the mirror and see yourself . Really see yourself . This ties to the power of mirror work , which I'll talk to you about in a few , but I want you to take a moment to just see yourself . Not just your appearance , but you , the person you are , the person you've grown into , and recognize that you are enough , exactly as you are . Let that sink in . You do not need to wait for someone else to tell you that you are valuable , worthy and enough . You already are . The only question is are you ready to believe it ? All right ?

Speaker 1 22:44

Now that we've called out the patterns , let's talk about how to actually build self-love , because this is where the real work happens . So here are five ways to start building hashtag the self-love life . The first one speak to yourself with love and respect . Catch yourself when negative self-talk creeps in , instead of saying I'm stupid for making that mistake . Try , I'm learning , and mistakes are part of the process , so try this . The next time you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself , pause , take a deep breath , say would I say this to my best friend , if not , reframe it into something kinder .

Speaker 1 23:27

Number two set boundaries and honor them . Boundaries are self-love and action . Stop saying yes when you really mean no . Stop overextending yourself . Stop overexplaining yourself . Stop letting people have access to you just because they want it . I used to struggle with this one and probably still do , especially in work and my relationships . I feel guilty for saying no , as if setting a boundary meant I was letting somebody down . But I had to learn . Every time I said yes to things that drain me , I was saying no to myself , and if I wasn't honoring my own needs , how can I expect anybody else to honor those needs ? So I want you to try this Set a boundary this week . It can be big or it can be small . Maybe it's just telling a friend hey , I can't talk right now , but let's check in tomorrow . Or don't check your work emails after a certain time . Notice how it feels , just to choose yourself .

Speaker 1 24:30

The third one is about celebrating yourself out loud . So if you know me , you know I love love . So that's why self-love on Valentine's Day is a wonderful thing and I expect people to celebrate me out loud . But I'm going to celebrate me out loud . I love me some meat . I love time with me . I love spending time by myself with me . I like me a lot . So stop waiting for somebody else to clap for you . Honey .

Speaker 1 25:02

Did you accomplish something ? Acknowledge it , celebrate it . Did you show up for yourself today ? Celebrate that thing , what I want you to do every night this week is write down one thing you did well . It doesn't have to be huge . Maybe you got out of bed on a tough day , maybe you spoke up in a meeting , maybe you took time to rest , maybe you said all the things that you needed to say to somebody and not cared what they had to say or feel about the thing , because you have been holding that stuff in . Self-love is built in the small moments , so celebrate those things . So this week I want you to keep note . Every day this week , write down one thing you did well . This is my other favorite one .

Speaker 1 25:44

Number four is date yourself . You just . I just said I love me , some me . I'm gonna tell you now I love me , some me . But getting to the place of loving me , some me , took a lot of healing , a lot of therapy and getting to a place of being okay by myself , like embracing and spending time with just me and enjoying that time . So that's why I like the date yourself so much , because , whether you're single or not , take yourself out , treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you .

Speaker 1 26:24

Show yourself what it means to be loved , because the thing is , if I love on me . I can recognize when somebody not loving on me Right . I may not always deal with it or handle it in the appropriate time frame and do all the things that need to happen , but at the end of the day , if I can show myself what it means to love me when I'm not being loved by family , friends , a partner , whatever it's easy for me to recognize . There was a time when I didn't even realize I was waiting for someone else to make me feel special . I would put all this effort into making sure other people felt seen and cared for , but when it came to me I was just existing . If you know me , I am team extra . So if it's your birthday or anything , I'm going to go above and beyond to demonstrate my care and my love .

Speaker 1 27:15

But one day I took myself out on a solo date . I ordered my favorite meal , I did a couple of other little things and I just enjoyed my own company . And that was a game changer because I realized if I can create joy for myself , I'll never have to rely on anyone else to do it for me . So I'll tell people . Let's be clear I may not have joy in this right now , but outside of this . I got a whole bunch of joy because I like me , I like me a lot .

Speaker 1 27:48

So date yourself . Get to a place where you me , I like me a lot . So date yourself . Get to a place where you say I like me a lot . There's nothing wrong with that , there's nothing wrong with saying that . So take yourself out on a date . It can be as simple as going to get some coffee . Just go to Starbucks , have a seat , drink you some coffee . Go to a movie , go to a bar . Go get you a meal , take a long walk with music . Just spend some time with you and getting to know you and who you are and how you show up in this world . Right ? Number five choose yourself , even when it's hard . I just said that I love me , some me . You want to know why I feel so . Okay saying that Because , at the end of the day , we are allowed to be the main character in our own life .

Speaker 1 28:35

Self-love is about choosing you , even when it's uncomfortable , even when it means walking away from something that no longer serves you . So if there's something you've been putting off because you're afraid of what people will think like wearing that outfit , wear that outfit , girl or fellow Apply for that job . Tell somebody how you really feel . Do it all anyway , because choosing yourself is a practice , and the more you do it , the stronger the muscle gets . So pick one of these and start today , because the way you love yourself sets the tone for how others will love you . Okay , I gave you strategies , but I got one more .

Speaker 1 29:30

You know , one of the most powerful self-love practices I've ever tried , and one that I still use , is mirror work . If you've never heard of it , mirror work is a simple but transformative act of looking at yourself in the mirror and speaking love into yourself . And before you roll your eyes , hear me out . Most of us yourself in the mirror and speaking love into yourself and before you roll your eyes , hear me out . Most of us look in the mirror every single day , but how often do we really see ourselves ? How often do we acknowledge our own presence , meet our own gaze and then say something nice , say something kind ? Instead , we generally pick ourselves apart . We focus on what we don't like , what we need to change or what we think isn't good enough . But what if , instead of criticism , we chose compassion ? So here's how you do it you find a mirror you stand in front of it , you look yourself in the eyes , you take a deep breath , then you say something loving to yourself . Maybe it's as simple as I love you . Maybe it's I'm proud of you . Maybe it's you are worthy just as you are .

Speaker 1 30:53

And if this feels awkward or uncomfortable , that means you need this , because self-love isn't just a thought . It's because self-love is a practice . It's something you do , it's something you reinforce , it's something you commit to every single day . When you first start , you may feel silly . You might even struggle to say the words out loud , and that's okay . That discomfort , that resistance it's a sign that this practice is exactly what you need , because somewhere along the way , you may have learned to be kinder to others than you are to yourself . But the relationship you have with you is the longest relationship you'll ever be in , so why not make it one built on love , respect and care ?

Speaker 1 31:53

Now I want you to take this beyond just a one-time thing . Try this every morning or every night for a week . Make it a habit and notice how your energy shifts . And , if you want it , you want to take it deeper . Write down three affirmations that feel personal to you . Say them to yourself every day in the mirror . Instead of pointing out what you don't like about your reflection , say one thing you love about what you see Smile at yourself . It might sound simple , but there's something powerful about giving yourself that moment of warmth and acknowledgement , because the truth is , the more you pour love into yourself , the less you'll need to seek it elsewhere , and when you truly see yourself , the world will too . So here's my challenge for you Stand in front of that mirror today . Speak love to yourself , and if it feels hard , keep doing it till it doesn't .

Speaker 1 33:03

So it's Valentine's Day , and I didn't want to give y'all a super long episode , because when it comes to self-love , I don't have to press that . I don't want to press that . I want you to choose you . So here's my challenge for you this Valentine's Day , though , choose you . I know it's lover's day and it's all about the booze . I want y'all to celebrate y'all booze . If you got a booze , celebrate your booze . I hope your booze celebrates you too . But in the midst of that , I need you to be choosing you .

Speaker 1 33:35

Do something today that reflects self-love , whether speaking to yourself kindly , setting a boundary or just taking a moment to acknowledge your own worth . Show up for yourself today , and if you said I'm in at the start of this episode , I want to see it . Tag me , dm me or comment on this episode . Let's hold each other accountable to this self-love thing . And don't forget self-love isn't a one-day thing , it's a lifestyle . So keep this energy going beyond today . Keep making choices that honor you , keep reminding yourself that you are enough .

Speaker 1 34:22

I do have a quick , a few quick reminders before you go . If you love this episode , make sure to subscribe , rate and leave a review , because the more we spread this message , the more people can step into their own self-love journey . Follow me on Instagram , linkedin and other social medias for more self-love mindsets and real-life conversations , and turn on your notifications so you don't miss an episode , because next week we're diving into something new . And if you're looking for a quick boost of self-love to start your weekend , don't forget the last episode . We released the authentic minutes , so I'll be sharing a powerful quote and three affirmations to set energy right for the days ahead .

Speaker 1 35:08

Now , if you are a subscriber , I do have some subscriber-only content dropping next week . That's right . If you subscribe , you'll get early access to next week's episode , plus some exclusive highlights and extras just for you . So if you haven't subscribed yet , now's the time , but until next time , remember the love you're looking for . It starts with you . Have an amazing day . Peace , love and blessings from your girl Keisha . Well , folks , the episode has come to an end . Thank you for hanging out with me on the Authentic Life . If you loved today's episode , don't forget to subscribe , because subscribing it's just like an instant invite to more fun , to more inspiration and to more authentic vibes . I could also use a review , so leave a review or share this with someone that you feel needs a little inspiration . But whatever you do , let's spread the joy of the authentic life . Remember this your authentic self is your greatest gift to the world , and no one should ever make you feel like you aren't . Until next time , stay true , stay bold and keep living the authentic life . Peace , love and blessings from your girl Keisha .