#TheAuthenticLife

#TheSelfLoveLife šŸ’–

Subscriber Episode • • Keisha Jones • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Love is in the air—but before you look outward, let’s take a moment to look within. šŸ’”

In this special Valentine’s Week episode of The Authentic Life Podcast, we’re diving into The Self-Love Life—because the most important love story you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.

In this episode, we explore:
✨ How self-love shapes the relationships you attract
✨ Why you need to stop waiting for external validation and start validating yourself
✨ A powerful mirror work practice to shift your self-perception
✨ A self-love challenge to help you build a daily practice of honoring YOU

Plus! Subscribers get early access and an exclusive Self-Love Life Worksheet to reflect, take action, and deepen their self-love journey.

This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, coaching, or therapy. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health or coaching professional for your specific needs.


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Speaker 1:

Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the Authentic Life. Each episode, I'll guide you on the journey to living fully, freely and unapologetically. Together, we'll dive into real stories, practical insights and steps you can take to embrace your truth and show up as your most authentic self. So guess what? I am glad that you are here with me. Let's get started. Welcome to the Authentic Life, a space where we explore what it really means to live fully, to live freely and, most importantly, to live unapologetically, as your true self. If you're new here, I'm Keisha, I'm your host, I'm your guide and, by the end of this, I might just be your accountability partner on this journey. So, whether you're tuning in from your car, your office, the gym or your favorite cozy corner at home, I'm so glad that you decided to be here with me today. And guess what? It's Valentine's Day, and while today is often about romantic love, I want to shift the focus to something just as important self-love. Because here's the truth Every relationship in your life, romantic or otherwise, is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. So today we are going to celebrate love, but not just any kind of love, the kind that starts with you.

Speaker 1:

Now, before we dive in, let's do a quick refresher. If you've been rocking with me, you know the last time we talked about hashtag the one-on-one life. That episode was all about standing in your uniqueness, owning your identity and understanding that you are one-on-one. There is nobody like you, and that is your power. But here's the thing Knowing you're one of one means nothing if you don't love yourself first. You can recognize your uniqueness, your gifts, your power. But if you don't value yourself, if you don't treat yourself with the love and care you deserve, you'll still find yourself seeking validation outside of you. And that's where today's episode comes into play.

Speaker 1:

Today we're diving into hashtag the self-love life, because self-love is more than just a trend or a catchphrase. It's the foundation for everything. The way you love yourself sets the tone for how others love you, how you navigate relationships and how you show up in the world. So before we go any further, I have a question who has been in? How many of you have been participating in the self-love challenge? It's a challenge where you prioritize you, even if it's just for five minutes.

Speaker 1:

And if you're in and if you've been in, I want you to say it out loud right now I'm in or I've been in. I want you to say it out loud right now I'm in or I've been in. Yes, I know you might be listening in the car, at work or in the gym, but say it anyway and if you really mean it, send me a DM or tag me in your self-love moment or drop a comment, because self-love isn't just something we talk about. It's something we actually have to practice, and today's episode is all about how do you do just that. So in this episode, we're going to talk about what self-love actually is and we know it's deeper than bubble baths and spa days how to stop waiting for external validation and start validating yourself, that connection between self-love and the relationships we attract, that connection between self-love and the relationships we attract, the ways we unknowingly sabotage our own self-worth and, of course, practical ways to build an unshakable self-love practice. Because if hashtag the one-on-one life was about recognizing your worth, hashtag the self-love life is about honoring that worth every single day. The self-love life is about honoring that worth every single day. So, whether you're single, in a relationship or in that it's complicated phase, this is for you. So thank you for showing up for yourself and for this community. Remember, this wasn't just the launch of the authentic life. It was the launch of something that might just change your life.

Speaker 1:

Now let's get into it. All right. So let's start by breaking down what self-love actually means, because society has fed us this idea that self-love is just face masks, going on vacations and treating yourself to something nice and don't get me wrong, self-care is part of it. But self-love, that thing, runs so much deeper. Self-love is choosing yourself, even when it's hard. Self-love is setting boundaries, even when it makes others uncomfortable. Self-love is speaking to yourself with the same kindness you give to others. Self-love is holding yourself accountable without tearing yourself down. And self-love is knowing that you are already enough, without needing external validation from anybody. And here's the kicker Self-love is a practice.

Speaker 1:

It is not a destination you magically arrive at. A practice. It is not a destination you magically arrive at. It's something you have to choose every single day, in the way you talk to yourself, the decisions you make and the energy you allow into your life. Think about it. How often do we look to other people for the love and validation we should be giving ourselves? We wait for someone else to tell us we're beautiful before we believe it. We wait for someone else to choose us. Before we feel worthy, we wait for permission to take up space. But here's the truth you don't need permission to love yourself. The only validation you need is your own.

Speaker 1:

Now let me tell you about a time when I had to really check myself when it came to self-love. There was a point in my life where I realized I was pouring so much into everything and everyone else Work, relationships, commitments but I was always leaving myself last. I thought I was handling it, but I started noticing how tired I always felt, how I wasn't showing up as my best self in some situations and how I felt resentful when people didn't pour back into me the way I was pouring into them. And you know what? One day I had a moment where I had to stop and ask myself am I treating myself the way I want others to treat me? Ask myself am I treating myself the way I want others to treat me? If I wasn't loving myself the way I deserve, how could I expect anybody else to do that? That's when I knew I had to make a shift, not just in what I was doing, but in how I was being with myself, and that's when my self-love practice really started. Now let that sink in. If you're waiting for external validation before you even start seeing your own worth, you are always going to be waiting. So let's talk about how to shift that thing Now.

Speaker 1:

Let's be real we are our own worst enemy when it comes to self-love. We say we want to love ourselves, but then we stay in spaces and relationships that make us shrink ourselves. We beat ourselves up for not being perfect. We compare our journey to everybody else's journey. We even ignore our own needs to please other people. We accept the bare minimum because we're afraid of being alone or some other reason. Does that sound familiar? We've all been there. But self-love is about recognizing these patterns and making the decision to choose differently. So let's break a few of these down. Let's start with staying in spaces that don't honor you. If you constantly have to dim your light to make others comfortable, that's not love. That's self-abandonment. Self-love means choosing to be in environments that nourish you, not deplete you.

Speaker 1:

And let me tell you, I had to learn this one the hard way. There was a time when I found myself shrinking in a situation whether it was a relationship in a workspace or sometimes even in my friendships where I wasn't being valued in the way I should have been. I told myself I was being patient, or that if I just showed up a little different, if I just proved my worth one more time, things would shift. And the thing is I knew better. Things would shift, and the thing is I knew better. I teach this stuff. But that's the thing about self-love Knowing what you deserve and actually choosing it are two totally different things. So one day I had to sit with myself and ask why am I holding on to this? And the answer wasn't pretty. You know, sometimes that thing is about fear. May it be. Fear being alone, fear of the change that's going to come with releasing that thing, fear of admitting to yourself that what I was holding on to wasn't even holding on to me, and having to sit in that and acknowledge that thing. And let me tell you, walking away is always hard, but it be so necessary because when you choose to stay in spaces that don't honor you, you're telling yourself that you don't deserve more, and self-love is about knowing that you do. So. I want you to ask yourself right now is there a space in your life where you're shrinking, where you're staying because it's familiar, even though you know it's not feeding you. And if so, what would it look like if you choose you instead Now?

Speaker 1:

The next one I want to talk about is negative self-talk. If the way you talk to yourself in your head were played out loud, would you say those things to your mother, your sister, your best friend? Probably not. Then why are you saying them to you? Self-love means speaking life into yourself and giving yourself the same grace and compassion that you give other people. I know I'm not the only one who has picked themselves apart based off of certain situations and things that are going on in your life. You should be further along. You should have figured this out by now. You should be doing more. Why are you still here? Why are you dealing with that? That should voice. It's the enemy of self-love. But let me tell you something I've learned the way you talk to yourself matters. Your words create your reality. So if you wouldn't say it to someone you love, it has no place in how you speak to yourself. I challenge you this week Catch yourself when that negative self-talk starts creeping in. Pause, reframe and start talking to yourself like you would talk to someone that you actually love.

Speaker 1:

Now this last one Lord, accepting the bare minimum If you have to convince someone to see your worth. That's not love, sweetheart. That's a lesson, and it's one that self-love will teach you to stop repeating and listen. I get it. When you care about somebody, whether it's a partner, a friend or even an employer, it's easy to think. If they just see how much I bring to the table, things will change. But self-love is about that. Your worth isn't up for negotiation and you might just be the table. So if you're accepting breadcrumbs when you deserve the whole meal, I need you to ask yourself why? And, more importantly, what would it look like if I stopped? Think about the ways you might be sabotaging your own self-love and, more importantly, what would it look like if you just stopped?

Speaker 1:

Now that we've talked about the ways we sabotage our own self-love, let's take it a step further, because the way we treat ourselves doesn't just impact us. It directly influences. The way we treat ourselves doesn't just impact us. It directly influences the relationships we attract and the energy we allow into our lives. You ever notice how the way you treat yourself can sometimes set the standard for how others treat you. That's not a coincidence. That's probably a reflection. You see. The relationships we attract may they be romantic friendships or even professional often mirror the way we show up for ourselves.

Speaker 1:

If you neglect your own needs, sometimes you are likely to attract people who take advantage of that. If you struggle with self-worth, you might find yourself drawn to people who reinforce those insecurities instead of lifting you up. But when you love yourself fully, you stop settling for relationships that don't honor you. Think about it. Have you ever noticed that when you're in a season of self-doubt, you tend to attract people who validate that doubt rather than challenge you to grow? Or maybe you've accepted relationships where you do all the giving because deep down you don't fully believe you deserve to receive the same energy in return. To receive the same energy in return. On the flip side, when you're fully in your self-love bag, when you're walking in confidence, setting boundaries, choosing yourself, do you attract people who respect that?

Speaker 1:

You see, I had to learn this the hard way. As I've said many times, there were times that I have found, and still find myself giving so much to people who do not pour back into me, and I really couldn't figure out. Why do I keep ending up in these same situations? But I use the same principle that I use with other people. When you keep going through the same thing, dealing with the same thing, you got to figure out what's that common denominator, and a lot of times that common denominator is you, because, see, sometimes we don't prioritize ourselves. We don't even require the same thing from other people that we pour into them. So how can I expect other people to prioritize me or put me first, when I'm not even doing it? We see, your relationships are a mirror.

Speaker 1:

If you're constantly feeling drained by the people in your life, take a step back and ask how am I treating myself? Am I constantly giving to others but never prioritizing my own needs? Do I let people walk all over my boundaries because I struggle to enforce them? Am I seeking love and validation from others before I even give it to myself? The energy you put into yourself sends a message to the world about what you will and won't accept at the end of the day. When you love yourself deeply, you don't entertain connections that diminish you. You recognize when someone's presence is draining rather than nourishing and you move accordingly. Here's the shift when you respect yourself, you stop tolerating disrespect. When you prioritize yourself, you stop chasing people who make you an option. When you love yourself, you stop seeking validation from people who were never meant to give it to you in the first place.

Speaker 1:

Here's a quick exercise I want you to do. I want you to reflect on your relationships for a moment. Grab a journal or just take a mental note and ask yourself which relationships in my life feel nourishing? Where do I feel valued, seen and supported? Which relationships feel draining? Where am I constantly overextending people-pleasing or compromising my own needs? What small act of self-love can I commit today that will help me attract the kind of energy I deserve? You might be surprised at what comes up and listen. This isn't about blame or cutting people off just for the sake of it. This is about awareness, because once you become aware, you can start making choices that align with the love and respect you truly deserve. So I want you to ask yourself what do my relationships say about the way I love myself? And if the answer makes you pause, good, that means it's time for you to make a change.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so now that we've talked about how self-love impacts the relationships we attract, we need to shift it on back to us, because here's the thing so many of us are out here, waiting for someone else to validate us before we give ourselves permission to feel worthy. But self-love means knowing that you are the only validation you actually really need. So let's get real for a second. How many times have you caught yourself waiting for someone else to tell you you're good enough before you believe it? What about waiting for someone to recognize your hard work before you feel accomplished? Waiting for a compliment before you feel beautiful? Waiting for someone to choose you before you see yourself as worthy? It's like we're holding our self-worth hostage, waiting for outside approval to set us free. But let me tell you something If you keep looking for validation from people, jobs, relationships, even social media, you will always be chasing it, because external validation is temporary, it fades, it shifts, and if that's the only thing holding your confidence together, what happens when it's gone?

Speaker 1:

One thing I stress to myself and to others when I look in the mirror every day, I don't care if I'm having a good day, a bad day or whatever kind of day. One thing I'm going to say is girl, you pop, you look good, you beautiful, all the things. I am never going to wait on somebody else to tell me that I'm beautiful. I can't wait on somebody else to tell me that I do a good job, that my hard work should be recognized. But you see, we all got to learn this lesson, because there is always a time when we overwork ourselves, we overgive in relationships, we overextend in friendships and a lot of times, deep down, it's because we're waiting for validation. We want someone to see our value and acknowledge it. But you see, the real shift comes when you realize what am I waiting for someone else to recognize what I already know? But here's the truth no one else's approval will ever be enough if you haven't given it to yourself first. You don't need permission to take up space, you just should do it. You don't need to earn love from nobody because you are loved.

Speaker 1:

So how do you start validating yourself instead of waiting for others to do it for you? First, you're going to acknowledge your own wins, big and small. You are going to stop waiting for someone else to clap for you. If you did something you're proud of, celebrate yourself. You finished that project, give yourself credit. You set a boundary. Acknowledge that growth. Your wins matter even when no one else is watching. Second, speak life into yourself every single day.

Speaker 1:

Self-validation starts with the way you talk to yourself. Instead of waiting for someone else to say you look good today, do what I do. Get in the mirror and say it yourself. Girl, you pop. Instead of waiting for someone else to tell you, instead of waiting for someone to say I'm proud of you, say I'm proud of me. Words matter and the way you speak to yourself sets the tone for your confidence.

Speaker 1:

Stop looking for likes and approvals to confirm your worth. Listen, we live in a world where social media can trick us into believing that our value is tied to numbers, likes, comments and engagement. But your worth isn't measured by an algorithm. It's measured by how you feel about yourself when that telephone is off. Trust yourself, your voice, your decisions, your intuition. The more you trust your own judgment, the less you need outside approval. Make a decision and stand 10 toes in it. That means stand by it. For people that don't know what that means, trust that you know what's best for you. The more you validate your own thoughts, the less you need somebody else to co-sign it for you.

Speaker 1:

Lastly, look in the mirror and see yourself. Really see yourself. This ties to the power of mirror work, which I'll talk to you about in a few, but I want you to take a moment to just see yourself. Not just your appearance, but you, the person you are, the person you've grown into and recognize that you are enough, exactly as you are. Let that sink in. You do not need to wait for someone else to tell you that you are valuable, worthy and enough. You already are. The only question is are you ready to believe it? All right?

Speaker 1:

Now that we've called out the patterns, let's talk about how to actually build self-love, because this is where the real work happens. So here are five ways to start building hashtag the self-love life. The first one speak to yourself with love and respect. Catch yourself when negative self-talk creeps in, instead of saying I'm stupid for making that mistake. Try, I'm learning, and mistakes are part of the process, so try this. The next time you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, pause, take a deep breath, say would I say this to my best friend, if not, reframe it into something kinder.

Speaker 1:

Number two set boundaries and honor them. Boundaries are self-love and action. Stop saying yes when you really mean no. Stop overextending yourself. Stop overexplaining yourself. Stop letting people have access to you just because they want it. I used to struggle with this one, and probably still do, especially in work and my relationships. I feel guilty for saying no, as if setting a boundary meant I was letting somebody down. But I had to learn. Every time I said yes to things that drain me, I was saying no to myself, and if I wasn't honoring my own needs, how can I expect anybody else to honor those needs? So I want you to try this Set a boundary this week. It can be big or it can be small. Maybe it's just telling a friend hey, I can't talk right now, but let's check in tomorrow. Or don't check your work emails after a certain time. Notice how it feels, just to choose yourself.

Speaker 1:

The third one is about celebrating yourself out loud. So if you know me, you know I love love. So that's why self-love on Valentine's Day is a wonderful thing and I expect people to celebrate me out loud. But I'm going to celebrate me out loud. I love me some meat. I love time with me. I love spending time by myself with me. I like me a lot. So stop waiting for somebody else to clap for you. Honey, did you accomplish something? Acknowledge it, celebrate it. Did you show up for yourself today? Celebrate that thing, what I want you to do every night this week is write down one thing you did well. It doesn't have to be huge. Maybe you got out of bed on a tough day, maybe you spoke up in a meeting, maybe you took time to rest, maybe you said all the things that you needed to say to somebody and not cared what they had to say or feel about the thing, because you have been holding that stuff in. Self-love is built in the small moments, so celebrate those things. So this week I want you to keep note every day this week, write down one thing you did well. This is my other favorite one.

Speaker 1:

Number four is date yourself. You just. I just said I love me, some me. I'm gonna tell you now I love me, some me. But getting to the place of loving me, some me, took a lot of healing, a lot of therapy and getting to a place of being okay by myself, like embracing and spending time with just me and enjoying that time. So that's why I like the date yourself so much, because, whether you're single or not, take yourself out, treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you. Show yourself what it means to be loved, because the thing is, if I love on me. I can recognize when somebody not loving on me Right. I may not always deal with it or handle it in the appropriate time frame and do all the things that need to happen, but at the end of the day, if I can show myself what it means to love me when I'm not being loved by family, friends, a partner, whatever it's easy for me to recognize.

Speaker 1:

There was a time when I didn't even realize I was waiting for someone else to make me feel special. I would put all this effort into making sure other people felt seen and cared for, but when it came to me I was just existing. If you know me, I am team extra. So if it's your birthday or anything, I'm going to go above and beyond to demonstrate my care and my love. But one day I took myself out on a solo date. I ordered my favorite meal, I did a couple of other little things and I just enjoyed my own company. And that was a game changer because I realized if I can create joy for myself, I'll never have to rely on anyone else to do it for me. So I'll tell people. Let's be clear I may not have joy in this right now, but outside of this, I got a whole bunch of joy because I like me, I like me a lot.

Speaker 1:

So date yourself. Get to a place where you me, I like me a lot. So date yourself. Get to a place where you say I like me a lot. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with saying that. So take yourself out on a date.

Speaker 1:

It can be as simple as going to get some coffee. Just go to Starbucks, have a seat, drink you some coffee. Go to a movie. Go to a bar. Go get you a meal, take a long walk with music. Just spend some time with you and getting to know you and who you are and how you show up in this world, right?

Speaker 1:

Number five choose yourself, even when it's hard. I just said that I love me, some me. You want to know why I feel so. Okay saying that Because, at the end of the day, we are allowed to be the main character in our own life. Self-love is about choosing you even when it's uncomfortable, even when it means walking away from something that no longer serves you. So if there's something you've been putting off because you're afraid of what people will think like wearing that outfit, wear that outfit, girl or fellow Apply for that job. Tell somebody how you really feel. Do it all anyway, because choosing yourself is a practice, and the more you do it, the stronger the muscle gets. So pick one of these and start today, because the way you love yourself sets the tone for how others will love you. Okay, I gave you strategies, but I got one more.

Speaker 1:

You know, one of the most powerful self-love practices I've ever tried, and one that I still use, is mirror work. If you've never heard of it, mirror work is a simple but transformative act of looking at yourself in the mirror and speaking love into yourself. And before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Most of us yourself in the mirror and speaking love into yourself, and before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Most of us look in the mirror every single day, but how often do we really see ourselves? How often do we acknowledge our own presence, meet our own gaze and then say something nice, say something kind? Instead, we generally pick ourselves apart. We focus on what we don't like, what we need to change or what we think isn't good enough. But what if, instead of criticism, we chose compassion? So here's how you do it you find a mirror, you stand in front of it, you look yourself in the eyes, you take a deep breath, then you say something loving to yourself. Maybe it's as simple as I love you. Maybe it's I'm proud of you. Maybe it's you are worthy just as you are.

Speaker 1:

And if this feels awkward or uncomfortable, that means you need this, because self-love isn't just a thought. It's because self-love is a practice. It's something you do, it's something you reinforce, it's something you commit to every single day. When you first start, you may feel silly. You might even struggle to say the words out loud, and that's okay. That discomfort, that resistance. It's a sign that this practice is exactly what you need, because somewhere along the way, you may have learned to be kinder to others than you are to yourself. But the relationship you have with you is the longest relationship you'll ever be in, so why not make it one built on love, respect and care?

Speaker 1:

Now I want you to take this beyond just a one-time thing. Try this every morning or every night for a week. Make it a habit and notice how your energy shifts. And, if you want it, you want to take it deeper. Write down three affirmations that feel personal to you. Say them to yourself every day in the mirror. Instead of pointing out what you don't like about your reflection, say one thing you love about what you see Smile at yourself. It might sound simple, but there's something powerful about giving yourself that moment of warmth and acknowledgement, because the truth is, the more you pour love into yourself, the less you'll need to seek it elsewhere, and when you truly see yourself, the world will too. So here's my challenge for you Stand in. The world will too. So here's my challenge for you Stand in front of that mirror today. Speak love to yourself, and if it feels hard, keep doing it till it doesn't.

Speaker 1:

So it's Valentine's Day, and I didn't want to give y'all a super long episode, because, when it comes to self-love, I don't have to press that. I don't want to press that. I want you to choose you. So here's my challenge for you this Valentine's Day, though, choose you. I know it's lover's day and it's all about the booze. I want y'all to celebrate y'all booze. If you got a booze, celebrate your booze. I hope your booze celebrates you too. But in the midst of that, I need you to be choosing you.

Speaker 1:

Do something today that reflects self-love, whether speaking to yourself, kindly setting a boundary or just taking a moment to acknowledge your own worth. Show up for yourself today, and if you said I'm in at the start of this episode, I want to see it. Tag me, dm me or comment on this episode. Let's hold each other accountable to this self-love thing. And don't forget self-love isn't a one-day thing, it's a lifestyle. So keep this energy going beyond today. Keep making choices that honor you. Keep reminding yourself that you are enough.

Speaker 1:

I do have a quick, a few quick reminders before you go. If you love this episode, make sure to subscribe, rate and leave a review, because the more we spread this message, the more people can step into their own self-love journey. Follow me on Instagram, linkedin and other social medias for more self-love mindsets and real-life conversations, and turn on your notifications so you don't miss an episode, because next week we're diving into something new and if you're looking for a quick boost of self-love to start your weekend, don't forget the last episode. We released the authentic minutes, so I'll be sharing a powerful quote and three affirmations to set energy right for the days ahead. Now, if you are a subscriber, I do have some subscriber-only content dropping next week. That's right. If you subscribe, you'll get early access to next week's episode, plus some exclusive highlights and extras, just for you.

Speaker 1:

So if you haven't subscribed yet, now's the time, but until next time, remember the love you're looking for. It starts with you. Have an amazing day. Peace, love and blessings from your girl, keisha. Well folks, the episode has come to an end. Thank you for hanging out with me on the Authentic Life. If you loved today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, because subscribing it's just like an instant invite to more fun, to more inspiration and to more authentic vibes. I could also use a review, so leave a review or share this with someone that you feel needs a little inspiration. But whatever you do, let's spread the joy of the authentic life. Remember this your authentic self is your greatest gift to the world, and no one should ever make you feel like you aren't. Until next time, stay true, stay bold and keep living the authentic life. Peace, love and blessings from your girl, keisha.

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