#TheOneofOneLife

Have you ever found yourself comparing your journey to someone else’s? Scrolling through social media, questioning if you’re doing enough, feeling like you need to fit into a mold that was never meant for you?

💡 Here’s the truth: You were never meant to be a copy—you are One of One.

In this episode, we’re breaking free from comparison culture and stepping fully into our authenticity. It’s time to own your voice, stop shrinking, and walk confidently in the path designed just for you.

🎧 In This Episode, We Cover:
✔️ The dangers of comparison and how it steals your joy
✔️ How to shift your mindset from measuring up to standing out
✔️ The three core truths of living your One of One life
✔️ Practical steps to stop shrinking and start showing up fully

Chapters

• 0:02 Embracing Authentic Living With Keisha
• 3:57 Embracing Self-Worth and Individuality
• 13:56 Embracing Unique Journeys and Rejection
• 17:26 Finding Peace in Personal Growth
• 22:44 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Worth
• 34:59 Embracing Personal Growth and Self-Worth
• 45:08 Embracing Your Unique Authenticity

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the Authentic Life. Each episode, I'll guide you on the journey to living fully, freely and unapologetically. Together, we'll dive into real stories, practical insights and steps you can take to embrace your truth and show up as your most authentic self. So guess what? I am glad that you are here with me. Let's get started. Hello, hello, hello and welcome to the Authentic Life, a space where we explore what it really means to live fully, to live freely and, most importantly, to live unapologetically as your true self. If you're new here, I'm Keisha, I'm your host, I'm your guide and, by the end of this, I might just be your accountability partner on this journey. So, whether you're tuning in from your car, the gym, your office or your favorite cozy corner at home, your girl is just glad that you decided to be here with her today. Now, you know I like to give some thank yous and some shout outs and all the things. So, before we dive in, I just want to again take a moment to thank every single person who has embraced hashtag the authentic life and the journey of hashtag the authentic life with me. So, whether you have downloaded the podcast, shared it with your friends or you just turned tuned in to listen. You have been incredible and I am so grateful and I am so thankful. Now the special shout out goes to those individuals who have taken it a step further and they have purchased hashtag the authentic life merch. Seeing you wear and share the message of living authentically fills me with so much gratitude and so much joy, because what it's telling me is that you're not just listening, you are actually embracing this thing and you are living hashtag the authentic life. So thank you for showing up for yourself and for this community. Remember, this wasn't just the launch of the authentic life. It was the launch of something that might just change your life, right. So that's that Now we're going to talk about what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 1: 2:12

Last time, we explained the power of embracing life's lessons in the hashtag the learn, grow, go life, and what I will say about that episode is that I have gotten so much positive feedback from so many people about that particular episode, like I thought I was getting good feedback from the other two episodes, but this one must have really touched some hearts and some souls and people is really going through these different phases, and so I am so appreciative of the phone calls and the text messages and the DMs and all the things telling me how the episode specifically these, this episode touched you and how you know it really made you think about some things. And in that episode we talked about how it's important to learn from our experiences, grow through our challenges and then ultimately know when we need to move forward from a thing, when we need to let a thing go, when we need to go ahead and go on about our business. And, as I said in that episode, sometimes that is probably the hardest part. We can grow through things, we can learn things, but when it is time to let something go, I promise you it can take a lot to get to that place, but it allows us to do that. When we do that, it allows us to move forward, because that's essential to living authentically. And then, before that, we talked about the boundary life right, how boundaries are not just about saying no but about saying yes to what truly aligns with us. And of course, we started this journey with what is hashtag the authentic life. So at this point I think we've had some good stepping stones to get to a place of now transitioning in to our next episode, and that is hashtag, the one on one life.

Speaker 1: 3:57

I first heard this phrase in a message from Devon Franklin and the moment I did, I knew it was something that I needed to hold on to right. One of one. Think about that a second. What does that mean to you? When you hear someone say you are one of one, what does it mean to you? How does that stick with you? How does that stand out? Right, you are the one and the only one of you. There are no duplicates. There are no second versions. There are no carbon copies. You were created uniquely and with purpose that only you can fulfill. Do we find ourselves measuring our worth by comparison, by external evaluation or by unrealistic standards set by society? How often do we put ourselves up against our friends, our colleagues, our partners? How often do we put our worth into somebody else when there's not another Keisha out there? There's not another me. I promise you, I will tell you right now, today, they only made one of me. I don't even think y'all can deal with two of me out here in these streets. So how can we begin to embrace the one-of-one life, right? How can we begin to embrace that there are no duplicates. There are no second versions. There are no carbon copies of us. That who we were uniquely created for a purpose and we should be living in that, validating that, not what society says. So that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about hashtag.

Speaker 1: 5:51

The one-on-one life is what today's episode is titled, because when you're thinking about living authentically, it is so important for you to understand that who you are and how you show up in this world is okay. Right, of course, we all got things that we need to work on. We all got things that we need to work on. So that ain't what I'm saying, but what I am saying is it's only one of you, so you need to embrace that. You need to be okay with that. When you look in the mirror and you see you, you need to be okay with what you see looking back, and if you're not, you need to figure out why. What's going on? Start doing that self-awareness, start doing that self-reflection, start doing those things and start doing that work. Start doing some self-love. Right At the end of this episode, I'm going to talk about a self-love challenge and I'm going to begin on February 1st, because we all need to begin to embrace us and love us.

Speaker 1: 6:46

Sometimes we love other people more than we love ourselves sometimes, and we don't even recognize it. So that's what we're talking about today. So we're going to kick this thing off with understanding the power of being one of one. We're going to explore why fully embracing our individuality is such a challenge and how comparison culture is at the root of so much of the self-doubt that we have. This isn't just about self-esteem. It's about recognizing the ways we've been conditioned to measure ourselves against others and how we can break free from that mindset. So let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 7:25

Why do we struggle so much to accept that we are enough as we are? Why do we feel the need to fit into boxes that were never meant for us to fit in to begin with? And, most importantly, how can we begin celebrating the fact that we are truly one of one? How can we begin to give ourselves grace for just being us Flaws and all the good, the bad, the ugly, the powerful, the strong, all the things? How do we begin to be OK with that and stop feeling the need to shrink ourselves, because once you embrace that you are one-on-one, that there is nobody else on this earth like you that can do things the way that you do things, that can express themselves the way that you express themselves, even with the good and the bad pieces of you, because we all got again work to do. But why do we struggle so much with embracing ourselves? Why are we always either comparing ourselves to others or feeling like we can't fully be ourselves in all that comes with us out of fear of loss of access to someone?

Speaker 1: 8:48

In the last couple of months maybe three to four months I have really like thought about that and like have really like dug into a place of just like you just got to get me at 100 proof, and if you can't take me at 100 proof, then go about your business. It's not that I'm gonna dismiss you, it's not that I'm gonna let you go, or it's not that the that I'm gonna do all these things. It's just gonna be, I'm just gonna be me, I'm just gonna do me, and then, however you feel like you can fit into, that is how you fit into that. Now, it's not about being disrespectful, it's not about being mean or any of those things. It's really just saying, hey, if you can't handle me, all of me and what I bring to the table. I'm not getting up from the table. You just got to get up from the table.

Speaker 1: 9:42

And if you decide that you're not going to get up from the table and you just got to get up from the table and if you decide that you're not going to get up from the table and you're just going to sit here, then we're just going to sit here and we're going to look at each other, but what I'm going to stop doing is feeling like, when you can't handle it, I got to remove myself, I got to change me. Is something wrong with me? Yeah, we're not doing that. Because why? Because I'm one of one. There is nobody else like me and the mere fact that you, that we are even interacting and engagement, engaging with each other, is powerful and it's not dismissing you and who you are, because the fact that I'm interacting and engaging with you is a powerful thing. We come into people's lives for a reason and a season, so I'm never going to take away from that. But what I am going to do in the midst of that is stop making myself feel like I can't be me, that I can't say what I need to say. I can't do what I need to do because you don't know how to respond to it, you don't know how to take it, all of those things. So, when you're thinking about embracing yourself and embracing the one of you is accepting that you are enough as you are and stop trying to shift and stop trying to change.

Speaker 1: 10:52

So the first thing that I talked about was problem with comparison culture. Right, we scroll through Instagram and then somebody just engaged, got engaged. We in our feelings, oh my God, she got engaged and he ain't even really asked me to move in yet. Then we start comparing ourselves to well, you know well, what did he do? Why did he want to marry her? Or what does she do? What do I need to change?

Speaker 1: 11:24

You're on LinkedIn and you find out that somebody landed their dream job, the job you always wanted. Then you start well, looking up well, what did they do? What's their education? What was their experience like? Do I need to start beginning? Do I need to start shifting? You're on some other social media site and a friend of yours is yet on another vacation, living their best life. You can't get time off, or you don't want to take time off to go on a vacation. So you, big man, or you feeling like, okay, what I need to do, what I need to do.

Speaker 1: 11:58

We're always comparing ourselves to other people and comparing ourselves to other people's journeys. And I don't know if you all have seen the meme on social media where we got to understand that their chapter 72 is not our chapter two. It may be our chapter two, right, we get so stuck in that they are already at chapter 72. We don't know what they did in chapters one through 71 to get to 72. We need to be okay that we just at chapter two. We ain't got there yet. We might get there, we might not get there, but stop comparing yourself to what other people are doing.

Speaker 1: 12:36

And then suddenly, what we end up doing without even realizing is we start asking ourselves all these questions why am I not where they are? Why don't I have what they have? Am I behind in life? Then we start, then we become paper chasers and we out here getting these certificates and these degrees, and we're changing ourselves and we're doing all these things so that people will accept us and somebody will marry us, somebody will hire us and give us a dream job, I'll have more money to go on that vacation. But then you're doing and shifting and you're becoming a representative at the end of the day, because this is my thing. Let's take the marriage thing. Okay, you, your home girl, got homeboy, got marriage and engaged to get married and you've been dating your boo for three years and he hasn't asked you. Then you start doing all these things because he hasn't asked you and you feel like, hey, they were only together for a year and we've been together for three years and you've already done this and you've already done that. This is, let me tell you, something that I learned. I've been being, I have been, I have been being taught this. I think in the past six months and maybe longer, I just haven't recognized it.

Speaker 1: 13:56

Rejection is protection, that stuff that don't work out in the time that we feel like things are supposed to work out. Something's not happening for us right now, but it's happening for other people. It's because it's their time Right now. It just ain't your time. But we can never be okay with that because we're always comparing ourselves to other people. We are never really getting to a place of being okay with where we are and understanding that maybe he ain't asked you to marry you yet, because that's not where y'all at. Y'all may not even supposed to be together, but you so consumed by the fact that you just seen somebody else get a ring on social media, now you're trying to figure out how you can get a ring, and ain't even your husband or your wife, whatever the case may be. So get out of that space.

Speaker 1: 14:47

The second thing that we really need to do when we're thinking about understanding the power of one-on-one is really around embracing our unique journeys and that we all have different journeys, that we are not on the same journey, that we are not on the same journey, that my journey is never going to be your journey, because I am one on one and I have a purpose that I am supposed to fulfill and I am doing things in a way to fulfill that purpose that you are never going to do Like I would tell people all the time. I think I said this before I am the epitome of doing the most when it comes to, like work stuff I mean work stuff, personal stuff, whatever the case Doing the absolute most. Like I told you in previous podcasts, you will see my picture in the dictionary. If they had a phrase doing the absolute most and they needed to compare something, my picture would be there I do the absolute most. And they needed to compare something. My picture would be there I do the absolute most.

Speaker 1: 15:50

And when I think about work, I'm able to manage and juggle a whole bunch without getting stressed out, without getting overwhelmed, all the things. But what I have come to learn is that there ain't nobody else out there like me, that I can't hire people with the mindset that they gonna work like I work, that they gonna do things how I do things, that they're gonna be able to manage the type of load that I manage. I tell people all the time don't ever look at me and think it's easy, because I make it look easy a lot of the time. But I also understand and in most things that I do, I'm doing this, I'm doing the duty, the job, the whatever of probably five people, and it's not that I'm being used in that capacity, it's just the way that I function and operate.

Speaker 1: 16:37

So I am embracing my uniqueness and my unique journey and understanding that my journey is never going to look like your journey. What I'm supposed to go through in life, my trials, my tribulations, my lessons, my growing phases, all of those things those are things that I need to learn to be able to ultimately grow to fulfill my purpose at the end of the day. So the more I think about that, the more I embrace the fact that I'm unique and my journey is going to be unique because it's only one of me. I'm one of one and I have a purpose. I'm supposed to be doing a thing and nobody is, nobody else is supposed to do that thing.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Like when you think about people that start businesses and do things like that, it's always this phase where you and somebody else have the same type of business and you begin comparing yourselves and it's almost like we become hoarders of information in those spaces because we don't want nobody to outshine us. I'm not going to share the knowledge. I'm not going to share the information because we do the same thing, we have the same topic, we have the same this, we have the same that. So if I share with you, you may pop before I pop. So what, what difference does it make? Like when I did this podcast? If you go into apple music and you look up the authentic life there are about 50 podcasts out there titled the authentic life you think I care, absolutely not. I wish you well and all the best with your podcast, because, at the end of the day, you over there and me over here we two different people, because you got a purpose for your podcast and I have a purpose for mine and it's never going to be the same. So we can talk about the same topic. We ain't going to ever talk about it the same way. Never will happen that way.

Speaker 1: 18:40

So the more we embrace that we have a unique journey, that we are very different from each person and that, even if I am doing the exact same job as you and we're doing the exact same thing, I'm trying to start the exact same business it's never going to be the same because I am one of one and you are one of one. There's nobody else that thinks like you, acts like you, talks like you none of the things. There's nobody else that thinks like you, acts like you, talks like you None of the things. So, by the pure nature of all of that, it's going to be different. So why we get so caught up in it? And then we tie our self-worth to that, and then we tie our progression to that and we tie where we are in our lives to that. And we should stop doing that because at the end of the day, we're one of one. There is nobody else like you, right?

Speaker 1: 19:35

So when you're thinking about that one-on-one life, remember when we talked about the boundary life to help us recognize the importance of protecting our peace. A major way to protect your peace is to set internal boundaries against unnecessary self-comparison. Boundaries ain't always about other people. Sometimes them boundaries about you and stuff that you need to check you on In the Learn, grow, go life. That reminded us that we evolve over time. We're not we're not perfect people. So instead of measuring yourself against somebody else, measure yourself against who you were six months ago, a year ago, five years ago.

Speaker 1: 20:18

I tell anybody in a like a romantic relationship, keisha Jones probably 10 years ago and Keisha Jones today in a romantic relationship are two very different people. We are not the same Now. Everybody's journey is different and everybody got stuff. But at the end of the day I will tell anybody oh, you got a better version of me right now because I've learned a lot, I've grown a lot and I've let go of things that I needed to let go and I've learned the lessons that I needed to learn from those things. And then I set internal boundaries against that unnecessary self-comparison that I do, right? So I know I evolve over time. You become a better person over time, and so when you're thinking about being one-on-one, that's all it is at the end of the day. Okay, so now that we've unpacked the dangers of comparison and the importance of embracing our unique paths, now I want to talk about what it actually means to live as one-of-one.

Speaker 1: 21:31

I want to share three fundamental truths that I think will help you to begin to shift your mindset from feeling like you have to measure up to other people and ultimately be able to stand confidently in the fact that no one else can do what you do in the way that you do it. So the first thing is you are not in competition with anybody but yourself. I don't know if you've ever seen that meme on social media where it says the only person I'm in competition with is me, and that's something I believe that I stand strong in Ten toes down is that if I'm in competition, it's with me. If you competing with me, you competing you in competition by yourself. I'm not doing that. When you're thinking about two people right, or multiple people, I'm not doing that. I'm always trying to be a better version of me. I'm not trying to be a better version of you, no matter what you put in my face, no matter what somebody else has to say, because I know I'm not going to ever be you. I'm not going to ever operate like you. I'm never going to do it in the way that you do it. So there's no point in me being in competition with you, because it just isn't going to happen. So the only person you should be competing with is you.

Speaker 1: 22:44

Forget about what other people are doing and focus on improving yourself. Focus and pay attention. Remember, in the very first episode, what are your five strengths? What are your five weaknesses? What are the things that you value? What are your triggers? Remember I had you do that activity. Now, what are the things that you can begin to improve on? Do some self-reflection, do some self-awareness activities, right. Ask other people how you show up in spaces right. Let that be the the competition. The competition should be that I'm gonna be a better version of myself than I was before.

Speaker 1: 23:20

So, like a lot of people ask me, you know what are your new year's resolutions? I don't have none. My only thing is to be a better version of Keisha in 2025 than I was in any year before 2025. And then identify those things that I was working on that I still need to work on and what new things have arisen that I need to work on. But at the end of the day, I'm in competition with me. I'm not competing with nobody, because it's a waste of my time. So, even if you do that in small ways, you should be doing that every day, like, okay, how can I be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday? Right, success isn't about comparison. We always compare our success to other people's success, but that's not what success is. Success is about progress. So ask yourself not what success is. Success is about progress. So ask yourself am I better than I was last year, last month, last week? And then, someone else's success doesn't take away from your success. That's where that competitive mindset like.

Speaker 1: 24:25

I got an episode called hashtag the ego life and I can't wait to talk about that, because so much of this comes from a place of having your ego sitting in the driver's seat. I promise you, but at the end of the day, stop comparing your success to someone else's. Remember, in the first episode, I told you define what success means for you? What's your standard of success? There's room for every single person to thrive, and celebrating other people does not diminish your own achievements. So clap loud for the people that are around you. Support other people, pour into other people, share other people's stuff, even if it's the same thing that you do, Because, again, if you sit on the seat of I'm one on one, just because we do the same thing, we don't do the same thing. It's never going to be the same. So celebrate other people's achievements, because it doesn't diminish yours.

Speaker 1: 25:26

The second the second one is that authenticity requires courage. So to live hashtag the authentic life that means that you are committing to having a level of courageousness in the things that you do and how you move. Being yourself is brave in a world that is constantly pressuring us to conform. So it takes confidence to own your quirks, your values and your unique qualities right. It takes time and some confidence for you to be like hey, these are the things that are really good about me and I am like the greatest, I'm the goat, the best, all of the things of these things. But these are some areas like they not red flags, but they weaknesses, they some things that I really need to work on and own it.

Speaker 1: 26:26

Remember I told you you can't change what you don't acknowledge. And sometimes we don't take time to acknowledge things and sit in the acknowledgement of those things and embrace and be okay with the good pieces of us and the bad pieces of us, but we are so worried about hiding the bad pieces of us that we don't embrace them. So when other people bring them up, we get defensive, we get in our feelings, we begin to question our worth, we begin to question our worth, we begin to question our self-love and all of those things, whereas when you to begin to embrace your quirks, your values, your unique qualities, all the things that make you you, when other people call them out, it's like okay, I knew that already, though I know I need to work on that. I'm a work in progress. We all are. I got it, though. I appreciate you reminding me, because sometimes we need a reminder, and it's not being dismissive, but it's not allowing that thing to shift and change your emotions and your mood and all the things. Not everybody is going to understand or support your authenticity, and that's okay. The right people will find you when you stay true to yourself, and what I mean by that is I've been on this journey of self-reflection so many things.

Speaker 1: 27:53

I'm on so many journeys as long as I'm professional. I have empathy in my conversations that if you don't like all the things that I say, because you may not embrace the things that I just said, I'm not going to not say them Now. I know how to read the room and when to say, when to say less. Trust me, I know those things. However, that journey I talked about is sometimes I find myself being like okay, you know what, I am not even going to say that, because then this is going to happen, this is going to happen, this is going to happen and this is going to happen. And then this how they're going to gonna happen, and then this, how they gonna feel, and then this is the conversation that's gonna go. So you go through your, you go in your mind down this whole rabbit hole about if I say this thing, how I really feel, how it's gonna make you feel. If I say that, what is not even how it's gonna make you feel, but where the conversation gonna go when I say that thing, then I decide not to say I'm not embracing authenticity. So I've been coming to the place of. I'm not about to give you peace and I'm over here in confusion and chaos because I'm trying to maintain peace for you. No, we need to have peace for everybody up in this place. So everybody not going to support you being authentic?

Speaker 1: 29:11

When you show up as your true self, you inspire other people to do the same. Your authenticity can be permission for somebody else who needs to live fully, and that is why I do this podcast. That is why I try very hard in different aspects of my life, to live hashtag the authentic life, because I know other people are watching. Now, I have said many times so for those people that know me and I have conversations with I know my areas of growth that I have. I am not a perfect person, none of the things but one of the things I can stand in is that I also know that I have to be as much of me as I can in certain places and spaces because other people need permission to do the same thing, especially as a woman of color, especially as a woman of color that's in senior leadership, especially as a woman of color that operates in predominantly white spaces where a lot of times we feel like we have to shrink ourselves and we can't be our authentic self. There are other black women looking at me, wanting and needing me to be me in those spaces. So I feel like I have a job and a duty to do that, and so when you remember that, remember it's not.

Speaker 1: 30:23

Sometimes it's not just about you you embracing you and showing up fully as you can be helping somebody else. You and showing up fully as you can be helping somebody else. Now the last one is we were created with intent. Baby, you not random, you are intentional. Everything about you is intentional, from your talents to your personality. All of it serves a purpose. Don't you forever get that. You not random. And if anybody ever make you feel like you random, let them know. Uh-uh, baby, I'm not random over here. I was intentional. Everything about me serves a purpose. You have something to offer that the world I'm sorry. You have something to offer to the world that nobody else does. That's that one-on-one and oh yeah, I'm going to make mistakes that I'm not going to re record. That was one of them. But you are one-on-one.

Speaker 1: 31:37

Your perspective, the experiences that you've had, your passion that your love, you as a person, you are valuable and you. You got that that nobody else got that. Don't nobody love like I love. There's a lot of people that love hard, but don't nobody love like I love. Don't nobody pour into people like I pour into people. Nobody's had my experiences that they had to learn through, grow through to be able to be where they at. Nobody got the passion that I got for the things that I do, even if you do the same thing that I do, because I'm not random, I'm intentional, I serve a purpose. Everything about me serves a purpose. So when you're thinking about affirmations and you're thinking about embracing yourself, one of your affirmations is I am not random. Period Number two everything about me serves a purpose. Period there is no one else in this world that can do what I do. Period Now, your worth is not dependent on external validation, and that's where I feel like we struggle when we think about self-worth.

Speaker 1: 32:59

You don't need approval from other people to be enough. Your pure existence indicates that you are already enough, but that's not the seat that we sit in. But that's not the seat that we sit in. Our worth, all too frequently, is attached to a person, a job, a place, a thing. When, at the end of the day, by pure nature of our existence. That's an indicator that we are enough and we are worthy. So I don't need external validation to tell me that I'm worthy. So how do we begin to embrace that self-worth?

Speaker 1: 33:46

And the more you embrace that you are not random, that you are intentionally made, that everything about you serves a purpose, that your perspectives, your experiences, your passions, your love are valuable and you have something to offer the world that no one else does, you will begin to understand that your worth is not dependent on external validation. It is not dependent on whether or not people love you. It is not dependent on whether or not people embrace you. It is not dependent on whether or not you get that promotion. It is not dependent upon whether or not you're able to buy the big house that you want or not the big house that you want or not. It's not dependent upon the things that you're able to buy and the things that you're able to have. Stop attaching your self-worth to external things and start attaching your self-worth to being one of one, that there is nobody else like you, that you are unique and not random and that you serve a purpose. Everything about you serves a purpose.

Speaker 1: 34:59

So those three core truths of the hashtag, the one of one life are you are not in competition with anybody but yourself, and anytime you get into a place that you feel like you are, you need to do, you need to check you. Who gonna check? To check me? Boo, it need to be you Check yourself. The second one is authenticity. Authenticity is going to require that you have some courage, that you get brave enough to embrace who you are and show up in all them spaces as who you are. You are and show up in all them spaces as who you are. And then, lastly, you were created with intent. There is nothing wrong with you. There is not one thing that was created about you that's wrong. I don't care what nobody say. You can have somebody telling you every day there's something wrong with you. The fact that they telling you there's something wrong with you is an indicator that something is wrong with them.

Speaker 1: 35:56

Again, I will say this over and over we all got work to do. We all got places where we need to improve, but at the end of the day, I ain't in competition with nobody. I'm gonna have courage to live authentically and I'm always remember that I was created with intent, while I have places where I need to improve. That's where that learn, grow, go concept comes into play. Okay, so we've talked about the mindset shift. Now let's get into some practical steps to embrace your one-on-one life, because it's one thing to understand that you're one-on-one, it's another thing to actually begin to live like it right? So you know, I'm always give you some, I'm gonna give you a good little word and then I'm gonna give you some strategy to implement, because this isn't just about me getting on here talking and saying a bunch of nice, warm and fuzzy stuff. It is also about helping us all grow and begin to embrace some of the things that we're talking about.

Speaker 1: 36:54

So the first thing I want you to do in thinking about your strategy is audit your comparisons. Notice when you're comparing yourself to this thing. Why am I consumed with whatever the thing is right? What trigger? Because, remember, I told you what your triggers are. Triggers. Ask you what your triggers are. What was triggered in me that made me feel like I need to compare myself to that? So first you're going to do a like, a little, you're doing an audit.

Speaker 1: 37:41

So this is where that self-awareness comes into play. When you're noticing, when you're beginning to. You see something on social media and you begin to compare yourself. The next thing and this comes from somebody that stay on her phone. Limit your time on social media if it's making you feel inadequate. Like, um, I've been dealing with some stuff and so I feel like social media listens to your well, we already know this like it listens to your conversations and then everything you talked about show up in your feed. Well, I said today, I asked somebody how do you change your algorithm on social media? Because I'm tired of seeing what I see. I want to see something else. I need positive vibes, positive energy, all the things. So when you think about, when you get to a comparison, are you dealing with some stuff? Limit yourself your social media time if you're beginning to feel a particular way. And then my favorite thing is start journaling about your own accomplishments instead of focusing on what other people are doing. Stop worrying about other people. What they do don't pay you, so why are you so consumed with what they're doing? Don't worry about what somebody else has compared to what you have. Don't worry about what somebody else has compared to what you have. Don't focus on that. So begin to do an audit of your comparisons and where you're comparing yourself. Next, we've already talked about this Lean into your strengths.

Speaker 1: 39:06

Identify what makes you unique and start embracing that stuff. What about you is amazing, is great, is wonderful, is beautiful. Embrace that stuff. We focus on the things that we don't have. We focus on the things that aren't working. We focus on what's broken in us or what we have identified as being broken in us, and we rarely spend time on I'll pop over here for this. Oh yeah, I'll pop. I do good over here. We rarely spend time celebrating that stuff.

Speaker 1: 39:44

So, really begin to identify, like, what makes you you, what is unique about you, and embrace that stuff. And those are quirks, too. Like, don't focus on, like, the really good things that everybody loves. What are those quirks about you that you love? What are the pieces of you that you love and what are the pieces of you that are quirks that you don't love that you should be loving Right. Stop minimizing your talents or downplaying compliments. Own your gifts.

Speaker 1: 40:11

I think that's one that I'm guilty of, because a lot of times, like with my job and I get you know recognition and things like that, in my mind, I just be doing. I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do. That's my job, that's what I'm supposed to do, you know, instead of like, really celebrating. But this is what I have come to learn about why I do that. Right, because you always got to think about when you do something, when you're minimizing yourself or minimizing your talents or you're downplaying things, you always got to do a self-check as why do you do that? So my self-check with the why I do that was really what came from. That was I celebrated me. That was really what came from. That was I celebrated me.

Speaker 1: 40:59

But sometimes the people in my life did not celebrate me and so I didn't want to outshine somebody else, right? So somebody asked me one day a while ago do you get excited about, like you know, your accomplishments and the things that you get excited? I'm like, yeah, and they was like, well, I've never like seen you like get super excited about like this happened and that happened. And I've never seen and I said you, I, I celebrate with myself, like I get excited myself, like when I released my podcast, I took myself out to eat, I bought me a drink, I bought me a, a push gift for my podcast, all the things. So, when it comes to like internal and personally I celebrate. I said outwardly I don't, oh, I'm not my biggest external cheerleader, because sometimes people can't handle that, but then that's me shrinking myself, right.

Speaker 1: 41:49

So I had to do a self-check. So do a self self-check, don't just stop doing those things. If you are doing those things, ask yourself why do you do them in the spaces in which you do them? So I had to do like an audit, so to speak, of the people around me to figure out, hey, why you don't feel comfortable celebrating yourself in those spaces. Something has happened that made you feel like you can't celebrate you and your gifts and your accolades in that space. Then make a list of the things you're proud of and revisit it when you begin to have self-doubt, like, keep a list at the end of the day.

Speaker 1: 42:27

The next one is speak life over yourself. I am I think I said this in one of the episodes I'm a sticky note girl. So I have a lot of sticky notes all over the place, in my office, in my house, because I got to remind myself that I'm the all right. I got to remind myself because sometimes I get in spaces and places where I have some self-doubt about certain things or I'm just going through some things, not right now, just in general. I'm going through some things and I need a boost and I may not have another person to give a boost. I got to be able to give myself a boost. I can't always depend on other people. So affirmations and things like that are extremely important to me. I mean, they're so important to me.

Speaker 1: 43:12

I share that with my son and I tell a story all the time about. I shared some affirmation cards with my son and he took to them and in the bathroom that was by his room he put on the mirror. He wrote a whole bunch of positive affirmations about himself and he put them on the mirror in the bathroom. He read them to himself every time he went into that bathroom. He did that. My son is 24. I think he did that when he was 18 or 19. Those things are still on my window, I mean on my mirror in my bathroom, because he was home. I was an empty nester. I mean he went off to home, I was an empty nester. I mean he went off to college. I was an empty nester for a while and rent is high out here in these streets, I hear. And so he back in my house, but even when he left I never took them down, because I know how much self-talk impacts the psyche and how we have to have positive self-talk, and that was something that I shared with him, that he embraced.

Speaker 1: 44:19

So replace self-doubt with affirmations. Say things like I am enough, just as I am. My uniqueness is my power. I am not meant to be a copy of anybody else and get you some affirmations and say those affirmations on a regular basis to yourself until you begin to believe those in your subconscious begins to believe those. Right, because a lot of times when we operate from a place of self-doubt and question our worth and our self-love, it sometimes it's very conscious, but a lot of times it can be subconscious because we haven't really thought about our traumas that produce triggers, that impact, how we trust people over time. Right, all the things I said in the first episode. The next one is probably my favorite Take up space, take up all the space.

Speaker 1: 45:08

Stop shrinking yourself to make other people feel comfortable, like if I had to teach myself a lesson over time. That's the lesson. Stop shrinking yourself to make other people feel comfortable Because, at the end of the day, if you cannot take me at a hundred proof, I really need to question whether I need to be in that space or not. So if I didn't get the job because I got blonde hair, I'm a black female, whatever the case. If I can't get the job because I got blonde hair, I'm a black female, whatever the case. If I can't be, if I can't progress because of those things, then I'm not supposed to be in that space. I'm not supposed to do that thing right. So stop shrinking yourself to make other people comfortable to be able to exist in their space. Don't do that.

Speaker 1: 45:56

Step into rooms with confidence and own your presence. You know, one of the things people tell me when I speak is that I have a certain presence when I walk in the room, that I have this level of confidence that just is like okay, there she go. They like there she go, go. You know there she go, go. You know I already said I can't sing, but nonetheless, step into rooms of confidence and own who you are. Be okay with who you are. But see, the thing is with that, in order for you to be okay with who you are, you got to understand who you are. You got to take time to reflect on your strengths, your weaknesses, your opportunities, your threats, all the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the powerful, all those things. So until you do that thing, you never going to really walk into that room with those shoulders back and that head raised high with confidence, because until you embrace you, they ain't going to ever embrace you. You got to embrace you first and then, when you take enough space, say what you mean, share your ideas and trust that your voice matters in those conversations.

Speaker 1: 47:05

Stop silencing yourself out of fear of what somebody gonna say. This is what I told somebody today we care, care too much, and I always try to caution myself when I say that because I don't want people to feel like I'm saying you shouldn't care what nobody think, how they feel, any of the things. That is not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you shouldn't care to the point that it's causing you harm, it's causing you hardship, it's causing you stress. You can't care more about somebody else and their feelings and all of the things than you care about you.

Speaker 1: 47:51

I gave the analogy in one of the previous episodes when you think about a plane and the stewardess is giving the directions of if the plane goes down, do this. The first thing they always tell you is if you gonna help somebody, I'm gonna need you to put your mask on first before you try to help them, because what's gonna end up happening is they gonna survive and you not on first before you try to help them, because what's going to end up happening is they're going to survive and you're not. Why can't we take that same simple principle that they teach every time you get on a flight and apply it to our lives? If I don't take care of me, I cannot take care of anybody else. I cannot take care of anybody else. If I don't pour into me, I'm never going to adequately pour into somebody else. If I don't love me, nobody is ever really going to fully love me the way I deserve to be loved.

Speaker 1: 48:51

So why don't we ever feel like we can take up that kind of space? Why do we feel like I have to shrink myself because you can't handle me at a hundred proof? That's not my problem, as long as I'm being respectful, I'm talking with empathy and understanding what you're saying that if I say something to you and you can't handle what I say, that's not. That's not a me problem, that's a you problem. So all that self-reflection and self-awareness that I'm doing for me, you might need to be doing it for you, because it's a reason why, when I say what I say, it impacts you the way it impacts you, cause we all got stuff, we all dealing with things, we all got trauma. We all had experiences that are impacting the way that we function and operate, especially in our childhood, and how we function and operate as adults. So why do I feel like I had? I can't step into a room with confidence because it's going to make you uncomfortable. No, that's not what we doing. We not doing that. Not when we want to want, not when we know who we are, not when we know what we bring to the table, not when we know we're not random, not when we know that we serve a purpose that our very existence already tells me I'm supposed to be here. That's not what we doing.

Speaker 1: 50:26

All right, folks, I have given you a lot of information. I have shared some nuggets and some things with you all. Given you a lot of information, I've shared some nuggets and some things with you all. What I want you to remember is hashtag the one of one life is about embracing every part of who you are and knowing that you are already enough just as you are. There's absolutely no need for you to fit into anyone else's mold. You want to know why? Because you were never meant to so.

Speaker 1: 50:50

This week, I challenge you to stand tall in your uniqueness. Let go of comparison. Embrace your individuality and walk boldly in your purpose. You don't need permission to be who you were created to be. You don't need validation to walk into your calling and you certainly do not need to play it small to make other people feel comfortable. Why? Because you are one of one and I need you to own that. This week and every week after now, as usual, before we work, we wrap up. You know I want to hear from you, so let me know what's one thing that makes you one of one. You can tag me on any of my social media pages. They are all linked in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 51:40

I'd love to see how this episode resonates with you, or any of the other episodes. So don't be shy because, remember, we are not shrinking ourselves. We are embracing who we are. So there's no question that can't be asked. So drop a comment or send me a message, or even share a story about what makes you unique. And, of course, please don't forget. If this episode resonated with you, please, please, share it with someone who needs the reminder. Let's spread the message of authenticity together, because the movement isn't just about me, it's about us.

Speaker 1: 52:15

Now, before I let you go, I have about four updates I want to share with you real quick. So the first thing is really about shifting our episode release dates, and so, right now, I release an episode. I try to release an episode every th. Well, we're moving that to Friday, so I call those Thursdays hashtag authentic Thursdays. Well, now they're going to be hashtag authentic Fridays. This gives us the perfect energy boost heading into the weekend and a great opportunity to begin to reflect on how we can show up more authentically in our daily lives. I like to think about Sunday as the day that I prep for the upcoming week. So if I'm releasing this episode on Friday and you listen to it, maybe Saturday or Sunday, it puts you in a space of okay, how am I going to prepare for my week? At least, that's my hope.

Speaker 1: 53:02

The second thing I mentioned at the beginning of this episode February 1st, I will be kicking off my 30 days of self-love challenge. This is a daily challenge focused on loving yourself, showing up for yourself and building self-care habits that affirm your worth and all the things. So you can follow along on all of my social media pages. That's where I'm gonna be sharing the 30 days of self-love. So the links again to my social media pages are in the show notes. This challenge is all about intentionally choosing yourself every day, and so I love for many of as many of you as possible to be a part of this journey.

Speaker 1: 53:44

Next is I'm going to be introducing something new that, starting with this particular episode and what we're going to call that is hashtag authentic minutes, and these are many episodes where I'll share a powerful quote and three affirmations for you to carry into your week. These will be short, impactful and easy to return to whenever you need a quick dose of inspiration. So I really want to add a layer to this, and so that's the layer that I'm adding and that will be added with this episode. So, after really want to add a layer to this, and so that's the layer that I'm adding and that will be added with this episode. So, after you listen to this episode, go listen to the first authentic minutes. Then the last thing is, I'm excited to announce that I will begin releasing subscriber only content the week of February 17. So if you haven't subscribed yet, that's okay, now's the time. It's $5 a month and it gives you access to exclusive content deeper dives into topics, some behind the scenes moments, some workbooks, some worksheets to go along with the topics that we're talking about, and it's just an opportunity for us to build together and stay connected and do some things together and, you know, really build a community with this. And so that comes with Facebook group and a couple of other things, but I'll share some more about that later on my social media platform. So lots of exciting things coming your way and I cannot wait to continue growing with you all.

Speaker 1: 55:09

Get you some merch. If you haven't gotten you some merch, get you some merch. Hashtag the authentic life. Merch. Until next time, keep standing in your truth, keep honoring your journey and, as always, keep living. Hashtag the authentic life. Peace, love and blessings from your girl, keisha. Well, folks, the episode has come to an end. Thank you for hanging out with me on the Authentic Life. If you loved today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, because subscribing it's just like an instant invite to more fun, to more inspiration and to more authentic vibes. I could also use a review, so leave a review or share this with someone that you feel needs a little inspiration. But whatever you do, let's spread the joy of the Authentic life. Remember this your authentic self is your greatest gift to the world, and no one should ever make you feel like you aren't. Until next time, stay true, stay bold and keep living the authentic life. Peace, love and blessings from your girl, keisha.